between the hours of 15:00 - !7:00, i kept telling myself, 'No news is good news.' little did i expect the news to come 20 minutes later.

in the morning of that Sunday, before i left home, i whispered into his ear where i was going. the last thing i said to him was, 'bye bye, ah gong.' and that is how ironic it is, he passed away that evening. i realised instantly that i should have held my mouth. sad but true, i bade him farewell.

29th September, he went to the hospital early in the morning. his ribs were aching so badly he couldn't take it anymore. little did he (or we) expect that that was the last day he left the house on feet.

that evening i brought him the usual stuff he'd always have with him while in the hospital. i bought burger king for myself and offered him my onion rings. he took one, and liked it, and took another one. yet, that was the last time i can offer him my meals.

3rd October 2010, i missed him terribly and dropped him a visit. the sight of him devastated me. he was so different only 4 days ago. he couldn't get up by himself anymore, or to eat. his body looked swollen, he was sleepy. at the sight of him i cried. i couldn't accept that the man who once walloped me so badly would look like that.

5th October 2010, i went to visit him again at night. He was on oxygen aid, and having a blood transfusion. lack of blood and oxygen they say. it didn't look good. and he was still unconscious. i cried, felt so helpless.

6th October 2010, i went again. only a night and the hand that the needle poked in for the blood transfusion was bandaged. the skin surrounding it was bruised, it was painful for him. his swell still hasn't subsided. it was heart aching.

that very night, the house telephone kept ringing. one last call from my cousin was, 'Be mentally prepared.' he woke up before that call, ah gong said he wanted to go home and see my eldest cousin. he gathered all his strength to say that. we all know it was no good news.

7th October 2010, the doctor said his condition had slight improvement. i agree with that. he responded to what we were saying, and the last time i called out to him on that day, he instantly moved his head over to the side and opened his eyes to look at me. that particular moment i'll never forget. that was the last time he responded to me.

now i figured out why that very day he was better: because my cousin was on the plane back. she was the last person he wanted to see. and true as it is, the next day his condition worsened.

8th October 2010, we brought him home. he wasn't like the day before, he was totally unconscious. i whispered to his ear late at night, promising and asking him of things when he wakes up.. but he never did.

9th October 2010, a doctor came to give a jab. What he said was if after the jab he wakes up, then he was on his way to recovery. but all he did was to open his eyes momentarily, and shut it again. he ran a fever that afternoon.

12th October 2010, i ran through his medical file. there was this information slip that stated, 'Symptoms shown when one is dying.' true as it is, the symptoms my grandfather showed tallied. the fever, the sleepiness, the gasping of air, the irregular heart beats and breathing.. if only i knew earlier.

when my grandma visited ah gong at the hospital the next day he said he wanted to go home, ah ma could still joke about it. that he was gonna die that was why he wanted to go home. we all thought she was calm and composed about the whole situation. but little did we know she was only putting up an act. my ah gong's death didn't do her good, she cried every day since, morning, afternoon and night. it hurts me so badly to deal with the loss and ah ma's emotions.

i would convince myself out of this that it's a natural cycle people die. but for ah gong's case he didn't die of old age, it was cancer, prostate cancer, and an infection that cost him his life.

His face was still glowing with radiant on Sunday, 10th October 2010. He could be in a pink of health till an even older age. He could still scream at me when i come home late at night. He could be..Thank you, Ah Gong, for raising me up since i was a baby. Thank you for teaching me what's right and wrong. I'm sorry for disobeying you since young. I'll take good care of Ah Ma. Rest in peace. I love you a lot.