KOH BAO LING

2011-02-27T22:11:00.002+08:00

www.kohbaoling.tumblr.com

Day 5: On the brink of crying all the time

2010-10-14T22:59:00.003+08:00

October 10th, 2010 at 17:10 my grandfather was announced dead.

between the hours of 15:00 - !7:00, i kept telling myself, 'No news is good news.' little did i expect the news to come 20 minutes later.

in the morning of that Sunday, before i left home, i whispered into his ear where i was going. the last thing i said to him was, 'bye bye, ah gong.' and that is how ironic it is, he passed away that evening. i realised instantly that i should have held my mouth. sad but true, i bade him farewell.

29th September, he went to the hospital early in the morning. his ribs were aching so badly he couldn't take it anymore. little did he (or we) expect that that was the last day he left the house on feet.

that evening i brought him the usual stuff he'd always have with him while in the hospital. i bought burger king for myself and offered him my onion rings. he took one, and liked it, and took another one. yet, that was the last time i can offer him my meals.

3rd October 2010, i missed him terribly and dropped him a visit. the sight of him devastated me. he was so different only 4 days ago. he couldn't get up by himself anymore, or to eat. his body looked swollen, he was sleepy. at the sight of him i cried. i couldn't accept that the man who once walloped me so badly would look like that.

5th October 2010, i went to visit him again at night. He was on oxygen aid, and having a blood transfusion. lack of blood and oxygen they say. it didn't look good. and he was still unconscious. i cried, felt so helpless.

6th October 2010, i went again. only a night and the hand that the needle poked in for the blood transfusion was bandaged. the skin surrounding it was bruised, it was painful for him. his swell still hasn't subsided. it was heart aching.

that very night, the house telephone kept ringing. one last call from my cousin was, 'Be mentally prepared.' he woke up before that call, ah gong said he wanted to go home and see my eldest cousin. he gathered all his strength to say that. we all know it was no good news.

7th October 2010, the doctor said his condition had slight improvement. i agree with that. he responded to what we were saying, and the last time i called out to him on that day, he instantly moved his head over to the side and opened his eyes to look at me. that particular moment i'll never forget. that was the last time he responded to me.

now i figured out why that very day he was better: because my cousin was on the plane back. she was the last person he wanted to see. and true as it is, the next day his condition worsened.

8th October 2010, we brought him home. he wasn't like the day before, he was totally unconscious. i whispered to his ear late at night, promising and asking him of things when he wakes up.. but he never did.

9th October 2010, a doctor came to give a jab. What he said was if after the jab he wakes up, then he was on his way to recovery. but all he did was to open his eyes momentarily, and shut it again. he ran a fever that afternoon.

12th October 2010, i ran through his medical file. there was this information slip that stated, 'Symptoms shown when one is dying.' true as it is, the symptoms my grandfather showed tallied. the fever, the sleepiness, the gasping of air, the irregular heart beats and breathing.. if only i knew earlier.

when my grandma visited ah gong at the hospital the next day he said he wanted to go home, ah ma could still joke about it. that he was gonna die that was why he wanted to go home. we all thought she was calm and composed about the whole situation. but little did we know she was only putting up an act. my ah gong's death didn't do her good, she cried every day since, morning, afternoon and night. it hurts me so badly to deal with the loss and ah ma's emotions.

i would convince myself out of this that it's a natural cycle people die. but for ah gong's case he didn't die of old age, it was cancer, prostate cancer, and an infection that cost him his life.

His face was still glowing with radiant on Sunday, 10th October 2010. He could be in a pink of health till an even older age. He could still scream at me when i come home late at night. He could be..Thank you, Ah Gong, for raising me up since i was a baby. Thank you for teaching me what's right and wrong. I'm sorry for disobeying you since young. I'll take good care of Ah Ma. Rest in peace. I love you a lot.

2010-09-30T21:24:00.002+08:00

i don't know if you're not gonna reply or if you're gonna take a long time to reply.

if it's the case of the latter, i guess i know the reason behind it.

but hey, don't think too much. i'm looking at you as someone whom i want to befriend again. so, please?

unflattering

2010-08-02T00:51:00.002+08:00

hello. happy belated birthday to you. this year i didn't attempt to ring you unlike last year. prolly it's because i'm afraid to know that you've alr changed your number, or that you've forgotten about me long time ago. whatever it is, it's neither love nor infatuation that i'm harboring for you. it has been long since our short affair but the thought of you still makes me go quiet and blank all the time. and it's sad that i can't remember how you look like anymore. so much for my feelings towards you, but even if i were to see you on the streets one day i doubt i can recognise you. i desperately want to recall how you look like...

anxiety, excitement, infatuation. confusion.

2010-07-23T02:15:00.002+08:00

my heart is in a mess right now. very much i think it's the usual infatuation with a person. but this time i'm very particular about how this man sees me.

2010-07-06T00:31:00.005+08:00

如果有一天

你说我重色轻友

我会说

不，那不是色，那是爱。

i held tight once

2010-06-15T13:31:00.003+08:00

i thought i lost you somewhere
but now with a clear head
i realised you weren't even really there before.

i was
deluded

2010-04-23T16:15:00.003+08:00

experiencing certain issues makes me feel more and more like all is a game

like you go into it, have some fun, ur HP dwindles yet the XP increases, then, for some reason, you run out of aid or even forget to aid yourself, and you die. after which you enter into it once more, prolly with higher XP so you are, technically, more powerful, but sometimes it just happens again and u die once more.

it's only an epic fail when emotions run wild

when rationality is overpowered by heartaches

when escape and denial seem appealing.

and yehh, i failed.

2010-04-13T21:36:00.001+08:00

i do want things to be better for myself.

2010-04-13T21:28:00.002+08:00

cannot get involve in cheeky affairs with facebook so hot

2010-02-14T16:12:00.001+08:00

an immature romantic looking for escape and adventure

2010-01-14T02:21:00.002+08:00

it's not quite bright ahead

or should i say it's very dark

like a blind man

just don't see anything but pitch darkness

2010-01-12T14:48:00.003+08:00

09 was so not me

down and despaired

09 can totally be nullified.

prolly the best way to forget someone is to meet someone new

and for me it just means making out.

perhaps a slut

and not like i've got awesome looks and a drop-dead body figure

yet so what still

don't deny the physical needs

living in denial is pathetic

it's just outright wasting life

what's with being so reserved

never know what's nice and enjoyable before trying

know the limits tho

live life.

2009-12-01T20:27:00.001+08:00

爱一个人多久，就需要多久的时间去忘记他：怎么那短短两个月的恋情，一年后还是忘不了?

2009-12-01T01:58:00.002+08:00

sad but true, i'm losing my confidence.

where did it all flock to
can it find its way back

oh yeh, back to my side you will.

2009-11-19T23:13:00.004+08:00

they mentioned his name in front of me twice.
i wonder if he told them what happened between us
of the short interaction we had
and the little sweet nothings i was trying to get across to him on that day

it mayb weird for a stranger to do that
but then again i was too thrilled to think straight
i was so much caught up with the way he looked
how much his eyes were making me mesmerized with him

it was impossible to take my eyes off him then
and i still remember vividly till today how we were lookin at each other

he may have forgotten about me
but perhaps not too
i don't know

more often than not
the image of him reappears in my mind
and when it does
i'll start going to his dead blog

then i realised,
the #1 on his hate-list is: bitches

was that the reason why he left?
did he think that i was one?

that man has yet to answer

i'd retrace my steps
to know where i went wrong
i want him to look into my eyes again
so that i'd tell him he had the entire wrong idea of me

there was this time i failed to meet him ('coincidentally')
then again every possible chance to see him again
i'd be there

please turn up on that day
i want to meet you again
let us start all over
we will do it better this time round

2009-11-08T22:58:00.003+08:00

yearning for the day someone would come and chase my blues away

2009-09-22T14:54:00.003+08:00

fuck la no comma no full stop how to type

anyway

sometimes I sit down alone
thinking of the day that had passed and the things that had been said or done
sometimes I think more than what had happened during the day
like yesterday or beyond

while thinking of all these
emotions often boil
'why did i say that?'
'why did i behave this way?'
that's what i've always been thinking at night

i may be blunt
i may be crude
but i fret losing
the friendship
the bond
the affection

some things that had been done cannot be undone
especially when the words had pierced thru you
yes
i understand that kind of pain as well
but all of it wasn't on purpose

please, can you be stronger; to take things easier and try again?
it may turn out different (better) this time round
i promise

i'm sorry.

2009-07-19T20:26:00.001+08:00

Please do, if you will, wish me a happy birthday on your birthday.

2009-07-03T16:29:00.004+08:00

seems like i really cannot express myself well with words and the last reason on the list is because of my spoilt keyboard
because i can't type one of the letters the comma and the full-stop
there pose an obstacle to express myself appropriately
never mind about the keyboard tho
but the fact is that i don't dare and try to express myself
cause i know what my flaws are
i'm worried people will despise me
because i am terribly flawed
character and attitude wise unless i really put in my focus and mind and heart into portraying them well
i can be a one big sucker
which will let you think i'm a bitch - selfish and narrow minded; impatient and self-centered (more to it)
but of course what was mentioned were on the extreme side so no worries (haha)
i'm still sane and i'm growing to become a more understandable person
friends who have known me for awhile would have seen my selfishness (i think)
and i realised it
so yes i'm changing to be a better pal of yours

i'm such a person; i fear exposing my weaknesses to others
though most should have realised them by now i try to make up to it

anyway this isn't the reason why i came blogging
but i guess i shouldn't mention it together with this

take care

2009-06-12T23:27:00.002+08:00

quoted from The Thirteen Moons

'I cannot decide whether it is an illness or a sin, the need to write things own and fix the flowing world in one rigid form. Bear believed writing dulled the spirit, stilled some holy breath. Smothered it. Words, when they've been captured and imprisoned on paper, become a barrier against the world, one best left unerected. Everything that happens is fluid, changeable. After they've passed, events are only as your memory makes them, and they shift shapes over time. Writing a thing down fixes it in place as surely as a rattlesnake skin stripped from the meat and stretched and tacked to a barn wall. Every bit as stationary, and every bit as false to the orginal thing. Flat and still and harmless. Bear recognized that all writing memorializes a moentary line of thought as if it were final.'

2009-05-16T00:16:00.003+08:00

before i start thinking of how to impress people (because so many people are trying to impress others)
i think it's more important that i impress myself with things - new or old

so that when i'm on one of my random rambling sessions
i can convey to them genuinely how impressed i was (with whatever the issue is)
and that i feel
is the way to impress others

because through the way words and expressions are (and will be) put
you make them feel as though they're put into the actual scenario
then imagination will do its work
feelings will be perturbed

then wait for a minute or so (maybe lesser)
C:

2009-01-10T15:05:00.003+08:00

just when i thought something good has finally befall onto me,
shit this - it turned out otherwise.

i'm being denied to chances before i'd even done something.
crap

2008-12-31T12:56:00.003+08:00

'when moments turn into memories' is my msn personal message. been there for a year plus, going to 2 years and definitely, counting.
it's this phrase that catches my mind; constantly reminding me to treasure what i'm doing now. yes, now is the word.

2008-12-29T13:10:00.002+08:00

quotes, 'he didn't know who she was, that children were only strangers you agreed to live with';
'and our parents said nothing, so that we sensed how ancient they were, how accustomed to trauma, depressions, and wars. We realized that the version of the world they rendered for us was not the world they really believed in'.

2008-12-29T13:09:00.000+08:00

quotes, 'hardly wait for night to forget themselves in sleep'.

2008-12-27T11:50:00.000+08:00

emotions have taken its toll on me.

2008-09-22T16:19:00.000+08:00

like real
see who believes
do u noe me?
haha

2008-09-14T16:54:00.003+08:00

sometimes the way people talk doesn't give me the assurance. you know when you're trying to clarify things, then what you say sometimes leads to further misunderstanding. or sometimes the person cannot get your point, but get some other point don't know arise from where one. then even when they assure you, you can't feel the assurance because the person saw it differently as you. this is equals to : no assurance.

2008-09-08T21:47:00.004+08:00

i'm like stuck in a S-grade rut. i've got 3 S grades, 1 U grade and a good old E grade. it's a turn off but what to do, this is ORBI.

watching all those local drama shows makes me very frustrated. majiam like think the life of a singaporean not troubled enough, still show all these dramas that reflect the life of a singaporean. the way the actors speak so as to convey the right mood to the audiences is like putting u in a situation where the problem is right in your face. what sia zzz

2008-09-08T00:04:00.003+08:00

poly and jc ppl can't click? right.. what nonsense

the guy who told me this is generalising. he's saying all poly students and jc students cannot click. this will then lead to some slippery slope fallacy which will result in a stupid conclusion. because there is no prove that people from different education system cannot click, people so ignorant like us shudn't be making such comments.

i dun wan to draw the arrows connecting this links, no way. perhaps after coming out with the conclusion i'll be deem as one of those morons out there. okay lah not morons, so bad but i won't attempt to replace the word with another term. those who think that different educational paths decide whether people can click or not are not a bit wise. it's like saying chinese and indian cannot click because we were brought up differently and different color.

aiya cannot click den dun click. we tap. (;

2008-09-01T14:21:00.002+08:00

i guess i'm not that random after all ( but still as random relatively )
i think i don't have that much crap too
i shouldn't be playing around when i'm tired
and i ought to let you guys know this about me :
i can't entertain well on command

2008-08-15T23:39:00.003+08:00

stop hitting yourself!
stop hitting yourself!

why are you still hitting yourself?

the only way out is to go in

D - distract

R - regression

A - (i forgot)

M - maturity

A - actions

2008-08-13T13:49:00.001+08:00

we were so desperate to change the circumstances that we started changing ourselves

2008-08-13T04:46:00.002+08:00

i used to know this guy, his name is Bryan Boey. it may seems weird that i'm blogging about this and even putting up his name here, but i can't seem to ditch the thought of him these days.

i knew him online when we were secondary 1. it was then mid of june holidays. just a typical afternoon, hanging around online and talking to all sorts of people from IRC -the 'in' thing online - before we got to know each other. i was talking to this online boy and somehow he introduced me to him. so we ended up chatting until now, 5 years later.

i remember telling him most of my things, experiences of the outside world to personal sorrows. i remember talking to him on the phone, the days when he spoke english and i spoke mandarin. i remember we doing all the funny funny online stuffs childish secondary school people would do. i remember calling him on christmas night to wish him and to find out that he can speak better mandarin.

what else is there to recall? online conversations were the memories because that's only what i have. we didn't meet up at all so what i had typed is tough to be accounted for. now only God can tell me where he is.

friend, come back.

2008-08-06T22:51:00.003+08:00

it hurts when i think of it, when i think of you being occupied by someone else. there isn't supposed to have a bit of affection between us but it just gets painful when i'm facing reality. i question myself, am i really infatuated with you or am i just afraid of losing another friend?

thoughts pierce through the heart like a sword

2008-07-27T01:24:00.002+08:00

birthday's coming. (:
been rather down these days because of things that are happening around me.

i realized i do love my family that much despite all those hostility.

2008-07-02T01:36:00.000+08:00

quotes, ' A woman can never live long without love and attention.'

2008-06-25T19:23:00.002+08:00

i'm pissed off by all these. what's wrong with fate? i knew that something would go wrong between a specified bunch of people and I - don't wanna mention that group. am i thinking too much, or is that the fact i have to face? i want all these to change. everything between you and I. i want true friendship between us.

2008-06-18T22:01:00.004+08:00

i am not what you always think i am - bo chup.

i behave that way so as to avoid additional problems in my life. i am already facing a problematic life ( i think ) and the laughter is partially a smokescreen. being bo chup indirectly draws me away from some of those issues that have nothing to do with me or increase the pimples on my face.
perhaps people think i could play a part in them, lend a listening ear or give a helping hand, but please don't force me when i don't feel like. u want me to give a damn about what you're doing, tell me and i'll give. but please don't be so temperamental and tell me only when u feel like. i'm not some spare tyre for you to come and go as and when you like.
you can say that all negative remarks in front of me, but please don't do it behind me. if you don't like the way i do things, tell me. i'll change to your preference.

and please don't come in and go out of my life whenever u like it. i'm not one of those on your shelves that you could take and put back after getting sick of it.

2008-06-17T23:52:00.003+08:00

guess it's really time to make my youth worthwhile. thinking about it, i had wasted a lot of time away. i slack my way through, i lazed and idled around. whhile others are determined to lead a better life, i'm here doing nothing. screwing up myself i would say.

still remember when i was in nursery, i did not excel in my tests and so was it when i was in primary school. then i screwed up my PSLE and got into Chong Boon Secondary School. definitely a lousy school, but i managed to make it to JC. got into a neighbourhood JC too, and now here i am, suffering.

ahhh what am i doingggggggggggggggggggggggg ):

2008-06-06T00:30:00.003+08:00

i think i'm very evil. i distant myself away from people i dislike, which in turn makes them dislike me too. but still, there are these people whom i just can't stand their actions and behaviour. the super duper uber sticky people are the my number 1 dislikes. i can't think of no.2 maybe because all in my brain now is that super duper uber sticky and eeew person. i can't understand how people can switch to stickin someone else when the usual stick isn't around. tat's more like looking for companions rather than friends.

because favourite sticker isn't around, i got a spare sticker to stick with. but when favourite sticker is around, spare sticker is not even a sticker. it's just something extra lingering around.

2008-06-03T21:49:00.005+08:00

liying said i never update my blog.

my last post was,' oh 5 more days and liying would be back!!'
so now is already like 50 plus days since she's back! WOO~
i love you liying
thanks for recording those band pieces!!!!
thanks for ur cig
thanks for ur companion
and definitely
YOUR FRIENDSHIP

2008-05-04T00:47:00.002+08:00

discoveries are always being buried in the heart
for fear of further, deeper investigation

i thought of blogging but i forgot what i die die want to blog about when i got on to blogger because of connections.
liying's coming back in 5 days' time. i can't wait to see her. being with that clique really makes me feel comfortable and they are whom i really call, friends. although conversations end awkwardly at times, but awkward silence never seems to be there. maybe we are used to it, maybe this is just my little perspective of our friendship. still, we've been through a lot together and maybe that's the reason why i like them more. because the bitching period had pass and thanks to those bitchy talks, people had been filtrated out of my life. perhaps i had been erased off their lives too but so what..? we simply don't deserve one another.

(: anyways, I THINK chong boonians can still communicate despite these lil stirs that had spoilt friendships between people because this is a CHONG BOON thing. haha

GOODNIGHT! SEE YOUUUUUUU

2008-03-23T23:40:00.002+08:00

alright man exams are overrrrr! ok there's nothing great about it. haha jus being excited over something smalllll. (: that's what i like - cheap thrills

tears that flow down the cheeks
eyes that stare right through your soul
words that pierce your heart

love that never dies.

2007-10-19T16:33:00.001+08:00

results are back and so nice, they didn't turn out bad. this is nice, forever that beautiful.

2007-10-11T01:45:00.000+08:00

now that examinations are over, a new list of things pop up for me to worry over.
i think this year is an emo year for me, beginning with the days of orientation in jj followed by tests in tpj. next year, i predict, would be no easy feat.

project work and chinese a levels would be up next. when would all these stop? when would events that stimulate pressure in one come to an end? 17 years of life, and i'm getting tired of all this shit. would there be once when i could sit down on a comfortable chair and enjoy the surroundings without having to bother about what's going to happen next? my world seems so grey.

anyway, enough of emo-ing. i just realised that this particular guy is getting disgusted. i supposed that he felt too much attention was given to him during this period of time. and like what is this rubbish? he thinks that he's so attractive and had love streak all of a sudden. yuck oh please he's nowhere attractive and looks like an alien. nowhere better(:

2007-09-18T20:25:00.000+08:00

oh no i'm feeling so stressed up as exams nearing by after each day. i really really really want to get to J2. i don't want to be a retainee. ): my life gonna suck hell lot if so, yet the motivation isn't here yet. this is getting 矛盾。

2007-09-17T23:19:00.000+08:00

oh yesyes i jus recalled seeing MISS YIM today at bugis mrt station! it was quite a shock to see her tho as she went overseas to do something(can't remb what) in 2004 i guess, and i was thinkin about her a few days back only. such a wonder that we actually shouted, 'ay' the moment we saw each other. it's rather unbelievable that she still remembers me as her student after so long(but she had forgotten huayan. maebe bec0x of her hair). i guess she still had an impression due to my 'yellow' compos.HAHA!
anyway, the thing i wanna praise this teacher is that her dressing sense is good, she has her own kind of style that's different from the typical displays u find in wisma. tho she's a lil 'chubby', the way she dresses herself made her overall appearance pleasant, and she brings you the smile u yearn upon.
how fast time flies, we were just secondary 1 then..

2007-09-17T22:41:00.000+08:00

a sumptous meal i had today with huayan. yet, im alwaes filled with regrets 5mins after entering - Sakae Sushi. as days and months pass, i find that sakae has simply too little to offer to their customers. the choice is limited and it hardly adds in new stuffs, it charges so high yet without any sense of satisfaction fulfilled at the end of the meal. what a life im leading in singapore..

like a duplicated copy with the ideal packaging yet with half the ingredients.

i want to know why are some people alone while having a meal. i know there's nothing wrong, but don't you feel something in ur heart tingling when u see them?

2007-09-17T00:50:00.000+08:00

就快要变成黑白了

2007-09-17T00:20:00.000+08:00

突然觉得人生过的好无趣。
梦想似乎都只是梦想，永远都不会变成现实。

最近的心情糟透了。想着，还有许多事情还没完成。对自己的信心很低，大概是要捧亏了。

我想要得却很难得到，但有些人所得到的却不用他们费心，而是自动送上他家门口。
这世界还真不公平。

2007-06-14T23:20:00.000+08:00

woots. i'm back from malacca trip ( 12-14june ) with 07s10! hoooooohoooooooo! haha it was nice, a perfect class bonding outing. =D
tho 4 didn't go, we still managed to enjoy ourselves.

blackjack blackjack blackjack.

2007-05-31T16:10:00.000+08:00

choir concert was boring.o faints that will be the first and last choir concert unless it's a super duper uber strong choir. band concert still rocks! wee((:
the concert was supposed to be a class outing, but it turned out 'class outing'. ben lost his way! haha but he was with his girlfriend. out of 18 people in the class only 10 went so it isn't a class outing. haha
sherman wasted his tic! he bought it but unable to turn up because of his odac camp. aww so sad ):
we were supposed to gaze at the stars after supper, but need to catch last train.(-.-)

2007-05-29T11:52:00.001+08:00

hoho. heng that he didn't kp me.
but he deserves to wait for that period so long la.((:

2007-05-27T13:25:00.000+08:00

love love the hols are here! =)
i met weekiat and he's still the same.
nothing to post tho.
i'm looking forward to the trip.
and i'll get what i want. (:

2007-05-20T19:28:00.000+08:00

eeeew buay tahan.
guys are jerks. are guys jerks?
eeeew don't like.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bully. eeeeeeeeeeeee argh
insensitive. arghhhhhhhh D=
faints

2007-05-19T22:20:00.000+08:00

woots i did my SPA today. i don't understand why they make the short form of the exam practical sounds so nice. it's freaking scary and stressful(even though it's just skill B). argh-.-

eh and hy was there too. tsk tsk

we met jingwen! wee~ it's been a long time since we last met and had a meal that cost 16$. all my savings now gone. T.T

2007-05-18T00:25:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling down.
something's just not right around
i see a change in people
i see the difference in attitude
nothing beautiful
something harsh
for me.

2007-05-16T21:55:00.000+08:00

oOo i forgot to post that tpjc band got silver! aiya WAS so sad but all the feelings were gone after i see JJ PEEPS and SUFRIE! woots(((: i love it and i soooo love them all.

arghh i was like so bored when i'm with the tpjc peeps but the thought of seeing jjcians and sufrie brightened my soul. *dreams* haha so what wud be expected when i see them? i was on cloud nine, uber HAPPY! WEEEEEES
i sat with cyril, charleston, shao yong and jiahao and they're so FUNNY compared to the tpjcians(eee). sufrie's fuNy((:

shud've went back to jj with them then maybe i can get a free dinner. they'd thai village(ithinkso) because they got silver! awww~

haha i duno why am i making such a big fuss over the meeting. (wee~ >.<)

2007-05-13T21:23:00.000+08:00

im down with fever after eating a few pieces of brownies! actually isn't that sudden. it started with sore throat den cough and finally, fever! woohoO! i get to skip PE tml.(:

( or is it because of cs and his hse that's too hot which caused the fever?) RUBBISH! hahaha

2007-05-12T22:36:00.000+08:00

woots i went to do gpp again~ haha
saw michelle violet jasmine craig chee sheng justin ben wai mun in ben's hse. haha crowded=)
we played blackjack. hoohoo. i owed cs keys. ( he bet on keys!!)
justin left.
den we went to chee sheng's hse to do instead as ben's com is cannot make it.
then violet and jasmine left.
then we continue with gpp tho everyone isn't in the mood to do.
then craig michelle and wai mun left.
left me and ben in cs's hse. i think ben thinks that i purposely want to stay in cs's hse. -.- he asked, 'u really so hardworking meh'
eee
then ben left.

oots left me=) * looks at cs HAHAHA*
anyway, ooosh i completed the gpp!
but sian la in his hse. also nth to do. he also sian ah nth to do. and his hse is freaky hot. there's only this small lil fan and it's full of dust.
i think i don't haf a life. hai~
haha the end. went home at 9+

OH YA. i drank up almost all the water in his hse. arrr im having a serious sore throat. i dont wan feverrrr>.< AGAIN.

2007-05-05T22:32:00.000+08:00

woots! i'm back blogging. hoohee
i went to ben's place for gpp today and his house is soo so so so so so so neat. =) and he has this nice disposable plastic cup which doesn't looks like disposable ones. =o ( we were all shock, other than ben.)
oh! and today is the first time i saw craig 'smile'(supposed to be laugh, but since he said he don't laugh but only smile smile smile away(overheard that when he was talking to mich.=D)) for so many times. tsk tsk. i can't believe that. it's a wondrous sight. xD

ok. i had a nice day todae, other than the fact that i spent 11bucks on cab from jurong so that the peeps in sengkang won't be angry with me for being late.

YOU NEVER KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE IT IS TO TAKE CAB FROM JURONG TO SENGKANG!( i dont know too. haa)

2007-03-18T12:21:00.000+08:00

when i think of chua sai this 'name', the first thought that comes in is LIYING because she's chua liying.(:

but that doesn't mean that everyone with the surname chua can be called as chua sai!

HAHA. it's specially reserved for liying and i think it doesn't sounds right on others. and OTHERS WOULD MIND TOO.

2007-03-10T11:15:00.000+08:00

i wasn't able to make it to jj night! aww.. jj night seemed to be the only excuse i could give to go back to jjc. what happened last night reminded me of o'1, when the loneliness and fun comes in. it's so unbelievable that time flies so fast. the days seem to leave no memories in me, yet they changed my entire jc life.

shall stop being emo.

i'm in tampines jc(seems to have many handsomes) and i seriously think that the orientation sucks big time. the ogls aren't up to standard.(doubt they would have the chance to see this. heh)the school, however, has higher complexity as compared to that of jjc's structure. the supposedly long corridor, had been splited into a 2 or 3 parts and then placed it in a way such that when u walk, u will think the school is HUGE.

(: i want to know a lot a lot a lot of peeps from tpjc. i want to enjoy my life life life life there! woots nobody's gonna irritate me. iwill not succumb myself to such...(i duno)

2007-03-01T22:33:00.000+08:00

oh i think im getting desperate these days. haha maybe because of the posting results. im leaving JJC soon. AH SO SAD. (not only desperate, but also emo.)

coming to think of it, the 1st few weeks when i cried bored so contradicts my feelings i have for jjc now. feelings do developed, and mine for jjc had. T.T

still, there's no choice but to leave unless i don't mind the an hour trip from ang mo kio to there.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW(time flies sooooooooo fast.)

2007-02-27T00:14:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry?

2007-02-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

i want you, my friend.
nothing's gonna stop me from contacting you
unless
it's really the end of us.

2007-02-06T11:16:00.000+08:00

The thought of it races my heartbeat.
I have no guts to see what's inside it.
My mind's in a state of confusion
don't let me know what's next.
Let it continue the way it is
let it so.

2007-02-03T21:45:00.000+08:00

TODAY'S LOVE FIESTA and it feels so great in school! it;s like i get to talk (and smile) to a lot of people from jjc, be it someone i know or don't know, someone i'm going crazy over or not. That was such a sweet sweet thing.>.< i love it sooooooooo much!

oh yes and there were 2 guys whom i saw in jjc that happened to be the waiters who served me in meritus mandarin last sat! what a coincidence to meet them again in jjc! ah but too bad they aren't students from jj, and we just hi . ( whatever it is, it's nice to see them again. Should i add it on wishlist? hmm lets make it, ' once isn't enough, make it twice. twice isn't any better, make it all the time.'=D)

oh yes, and a BIG THANKS to best buds XINYI and JINGWEN. They came all the way from amk to jjc just to 'suffer' with me in jurong. hahx. (thank you thank you!)
huayan was supposed to be there too but she pang seh me in the end. hah got used to it already but this time she was funny. she actually messaged me to ask whether she can ps me or not. haha so whatever ~ thanks for the thought my dear friend!

(jing wen got so excited seeing zhen xiang.)

MUANKS
love lots
bao.hoo

2007-02-01T17:44:00.000+08:00

i just discovered 2 cute names today, not only are they cute, they are soooooo unique. (in their spelling and pronounciation.) uh yes it definitely amazes me. (i;m the mountain tortoise la)
name #1 : zaewe
name #2 : christofle
CUTE RIGHT?! yeps cute. =D

and there's this veh handsome j2 boy! so so so so so so handsome lah. faints* too bad i dont know him, and his name, too bad.. ~ ARG should add on something to my wishlist : know him soon. =D heh

2007-01-30T22:38:00.000+08:00

ooooops whole family now knows that i smoke.

RAH

2007-01-30T22:12:00.000+08:00

CAN U BELIEVE THIS? LEE JOON KI IS THE SPOKESMODEL FOR KOTEX PANTY LINER IN KOREA!

that's why he's fit to be called prettier than a woman. he's hot!><>

whatever it is, lee joon ki rocks!

so sweet to see someone like him being a spokesmodel for such a product. It isn't disgusting ok!

2007-01-29T18:28:00.000+08:00

i heard from calister today that we'll get our results next week. hmm.. come to think of it, i'll miss jjc. the people, the environment, the friends i'fe made.

we came together for this short period of time and now, we're parting again. D=
everything's gonna start all over once more.

2007-01-23T18:38:00.000+08:00

o~ i'm like suffering from depression.(ok la not really, just feeling super sad. D= )
i'm like so slack these days.

few things that happened today.
1) i woke up and i refused to go to school.
2) felt like my body is being glued to the bed.
3) i would say it's like a magnet.
4) i didn't go to school.
5) but i went for the OG lunch, which is in school. =D
6) i love my OG members.
7) i realise that the bonds are stronger. ( that's what i would say larh~ )
8) and then i'm feeling bored again~

I need SOMEBODY TO LOVE! (ooops im getting desperate once again.=X)

2007-01-21T23:45:00.000+08:00

feeling so.. gek xim! D=

feels like some sort of eternal punishment.

2007-01-18T17:04:00.000+08:00

oh feel so... sorry
jus had the chance to visit liying's bloggie. >.<

so sian in school. ah bored...=)

2007-01-16T15:07:00.000+08:00

a few things to mention
1) it's been so long since i last blogged
2) i'm feeling bored in jjc
3) i'm feeling bored in jjc
4) still bored..
5) see 4

i 'peng' immediately after the 3 days 2 nights orientation camp in jj and that 'peng' lasted for a week++.

jjc jjc jjc jjc jjc jjc jjc jjc jjc jjc jjc jjc jjc jjc jjc

ah hope i can make more friends! (: smile

2006-12-04T23:32:00.000+08:00

home is always the sweetest. D: working is tiring. i'm tired. tough task. tsk tsk.

bo bian. $money$money$

i met wee kiat today, finally. But was kinda screwed up. i acc. him to east coast to let his *CRUSH* take a look at him. ( what is this? .. ) and i thought it would only be her turning up in mac's but it turned out to be a bunch of 15 year old girls. ( sighs) so pai seh. they screamed and shouted *weekiat* while we mingled among the crowd. (sounds like some kind of despo.) and that fren of mine, seemed to be gloating over the fact that the girls went chasing after both of us from mac's to the void decks. tsk* (he said i should be proud that i'm walking with him, because he's like avoiding those girls.)

slack slack slack with him..........sad day.(it wouldn't be sad if today wasn't the only off-day for these 2 weeks.)

i'm feeling suffocated by that crap piece of work.

2006-11-29T16:49:00.000+08:00

screw that job - so tiring
screw the experienced people working there - so damn arrogant
screw the manager - curse and swear with that f* word in front of us
SCREW THEM ALL

work for 1 day and they expect me to do it perfectly. uh huh, what an expectation u see.
they speak cantonese, which is a good thing, because i don't understand.(they can sae whatever they want to in front of me.) RAH* don't ever expect me to smile at whatever they say.

crap crap crap

*a moment of folly, causing a day long of regrets.*

2006-11-28T01:44:00.000+08:00

ah! nice day i would say. (: 1) i found a job. (something nice to be delighted over.)(thanks to hua yan.(she got that job.)) 2) was fun -went out with xinyi to vivo after bishan-ing for like less than an hour? and guess what we did in vivo? we check out movie time slots, then went to carl's junior, and sat there for like an hour after which we made our way to cine. oh crap~ -we went to yishun after cine-ing! woots. had been so long since my last trip there. this, i swear, was probably the nicest time i had there. i finally met CAI HUANG, after so much begging and waiting. hahx(i think i sound like a despo-.-) Alright, and he's got the beautiful yet small eyes i would like to announce. (charming*faints*)
-i saw jiapeng! that was so UNBELIEVABLE! he's working in yishun, in the coffee shop where we sat to have food.(oH~ fate brought us together>.<) he's still as happy-go-lucky i would say. nice guy!=)
3)was kinda boring
-sat in the bus(171) from cine to yishun for over an hour. *argh*
-met xinyi's net friend too. he's weird. yep veh weird. ( he said that he was quiet cause he dunno us. as if the other guy knows us that well.) aiya cannot blame larh.
-tired on heels. walked VERY WEIRD.
-ugly hair. should have a haircut soon.=)

ok. the end for monday. =)

hmm i'm losing my appetite these days. terrible terrible>.<

2006-11-25T23:56:00.000+08:00

ah damn this computer. RAH my previous post is GONE!
now i understand why mdm cho told us to save our document even though it is not completed. AHHHHH
ok back to what i was typing. hua yan told me to post more. ( i told her that my blog is rather 'ulu') so, i shall start the habit of it now. NOW. ( i try to..)

what a boring day, boring life. havent you watched the commercial? 'if your life were to be a movie, would it be an interesting one?' (erm something like dat i think) okay.. if my life were to be a movie, i doubt there would be viewers. just the advertisement alone would bore the audience. ( somebody pity me, please?) my life is as boring as a snail. ( weird metaphor. the meaning is somewhere around there.. i wish) am doing some boring stuffs this holiday. sleep, stare into the com, eat, obeying the call of nature, listen to music, dream.. blablabla. (whatever u can think of to reprimand someone's life as bo liao.) uh..so, like what many said, i should look for a job. but i'm too lazy. who is to blame? myself lorRRR~. =)

well well, some good will come out of this, i hope.

thursday. i met nICHOLAS. woots, he's one erm skinny boy. =) yup. nothing more about him. (oo.. and he got a low lowwww voice)

friday.
1) time wastage
2) it's boring
3) it's boring
4) see 3.
5) still BORING!

i expected it to be a good day, with fresh new jobs to be seeked, good(free) movie to catch. but it simply turned out otherwise. i went around.. walked in the rain.. went to webbbbbbbb's house.. slept there.. woke up to find myself able to go nowhere. yep yep.. i was supposed to meet hua yan but they went expo.. EXPO!! far place from bishan, so the idea was crossed out. i still met her in the end anyway. i felt so like a loner, suffering from cold and hunger.(friday was cold okay and i dint eat anything other than chewing gum) The progs my friends had, either 1) doesn't involve me 2) doesn't interest me 3) too far away from me. hmm so okay i need to be sympathised. *sigh*
after tat i went from bishan to ps by bus and i sat beside a nerd. yep a nerd. no. i think he's a nerd, he looks like one. ( im wondering why i'd land on a seat beside a teenage boy these days. weird eh.) ONE MORE THING. i saw PAUL TWOHILL AND NORMAN. woots. would i sae, 'lucky me'? Nope. =) dont see anything special bout the 2 of them. *phews* that i dint flinched at the sight of the two men.
then there came companions=D. huayan(the good), jeffery(the funny) and *heh* jacky. luckily for me, they were my saviours. they saved me from further boredom and loneliness.D=
well well but they went to lan shop, which isn't my type of place and never would it be.( i dont game arh) so i went to hunt for weekiat! oo0ps! the journey to his place was horrible. eeeeeeks i took a bus for forty five minutes but i dint end up in his place. i ended up opp. serangoon stadium and then i took a cab home instead. -.- yep yep it's *so far.. so boring. .so tired* anyway, *SORRY TO WEEKIAT* *my apologies* ( he sounded angry.. not on friday but saturday. argh.)( maybe im just thinkin too much. i hope so. hmm no.. i doubt so.) hais~ what a day.. what a night.. what a holiday.. T.T

2006-11-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

nice day i would say, or rather a pretty fun evening.=) Both my grandparents are sick so I, being the fillial granddaughter, decided to stay in the house for today to make sure they spend the day safe. (woots, i skipped the job scouting session with my pretty buds.) um hmm, oh. The evening was nice 'cause i weren't at home. I was with my friend. That trip to his place had saved me from further boredom at home. *phews* Well, though it wasn't really an interesting 4 hours it was funny. VERY funny. Why? Cause he sang and recorded his *beautiful* singing. woots. The process during the recording was super duper humorous, and when laughter starts, it can't stop. =D Alright, there are more but just trivial stuffs that could simply make one laugh.

Ahem and i think i said the wrong thing to him. ooopx=X (I'm sorry, would you forgive me?)
So much for apologising, but i doubt he would have the chance to see this blog. D=

EH PEOPLE, TAKE A LOOK AT THE PIC!=)

2006-11-21T03:23:00.000+08:00

feeling great to have a blog after all this while of dreaming. HAAX=x
sunday was really bad for my grandpa. He actually vomitted when he was out. Can you believe that, an 80+ year-old pek pek feeling so horrible? hais. Sometimes bao can really head down to Hades without the need of a sensible reason. I'm unfillial.
ah ya saying about that, today can be a piece of concrete evidence. I went orchard with huayan, xinyi, and liying since afternoon till night. We definitely had great fun, and I seem not to care more about the folks at home. ARGH. One more, i didn't visit my seem-to-be-paralysed grandma since CNY. I wonder what's really with me at times.
I HAVE TO VISIT HER SOON! ah......there'll be veh veh veh bad karma if i continue all this. D=

READY?

2006-11-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

finally, something's up. it really took me some time to handle this and it dint turn 0ut that well either.
bao's the 'computer idiot'.

eh oh

2006-11-17T23:04:00.000+08:00

like so soon
in a blink of time